Christine submitted the following paragraph for free editing services:
Grammar Question: Young women today may be told to appreciate the world they live in because it is filled with possibilities and endless dreams that were not allowed to women living a century ago. Women are now able to work in a factory and not get weaker pay or discriminated against. Women may have received the right to their vote, but male-chauvinists still exist. Seeing a female on the side of the road is rare because it is a stereotypical scene. Mechanics are one of many male-oriented hobbies that inhabit self-abusing lifestyles.
Below are some suggested changes in red:
Young women today may be told to appreciate the world they live in because it is filled with possibilities and endless dreams that were not allowed to women living a century ago. Women are now able to work in a factory and not get lower pay or be discriminated against. Women may have received the right to their vote, but male-chauvinists still exist. Seeing a female on the side of the road is rare because it is a stereotypical scene. Mechanics are one of many male-oriented hobbies that inhabit self-abusing lifestyles.
I highlighted the entire last sentence because I not only don’t know what it has to do with the rest of the paragraph; I don’t know what it means! “…inhabit self-abusing lifestyles…” ??? Here’s a wild guess: Mechanics are one of the male-oriented lifestyles that women can also enjoy. Or are you really trying to say something about the relationship of mechanics and male chauvinism? Then perhaps: Mechanics are one of the many male-oriented hobbies that are often the domain of chauvinists.
I guess what I would want to clarify is what is the paragraph about? Is it principally about how women have many more choices today despite the fact that some old attitudes still persist? Or was the introduction about choices leading us to an essay that tells us that many negative factors still exist to challenge women? In any case the phrase “self-abusing lifestyles” seems to be meaningless and demeaning, which should not be a part of an essay.