A reader submitted the following paragraph for the 300 word free editing service:
In Shakespeare’s time fate has played an important role in peoples lifes. Shakespeare shows this in his play “Romeo and Juliet”, fate starts the play and is relied on till the end of the play. The element of fate starts from the first time Romeo see’s juliet to Romeo’s and Juliet’s deaths. Shakespeare relies on this element of fate in his play “Romeo and Juliet”.
Suggested changes are below in red.
Many art works are based on the idea that fate has played an important role in peoples lives. Shakespeare shows this in his play “Romeo and Juliet”: fate starts the play and is relied on till the end of the play. The element of fate starts from the first time Romeo sees Juliet to Romeo’s and Juliet’s deaths. Shakespeare relies on the element of fate throughout his play “Romeo and Juliet”.
Editor’s notes: I changes the first sentence because the idea of fate is not just around in Shakespeare’s times. If we make this a more general statement it is a good way to begin the essay on fate.
I changed the comma to a colon in the second sentence to fix a run on sentence.
You put an apostrophe in “sees”. Ugh! Verbs never take apostrophes. Read the section on apostrophes on my website. You’ve used them correctly in “Romeo’s and Juliet’s deaths.”
You are really clear about tying the introduction to the thesis of fate (maybe even a little repetitive). You could back off a little, and summarize the plot before tying the summary to the idea of fate.
Good work!