Television: the great destroyer of young minds?

      Comments Off on Television: the great destroyer of young minds?
If you liked this post, say thanks by sharing it:

A reader offers this paragraph for free proofreading:

As a result of technological development, television has a crucial role to play in spiritual values in daily life of human being, especially in term of entertainment. However, there are two sides to everything. The limited time to commune to others is attributable to watch TV too much. Personally, I firmly believe communication has been damaged by TV.

One argument is that television is invented to serve the need to entertainment in order to render people relax after working hard all day, helping the atmosphere of their family become comfortable. Nonetheless, a couch potato who is addicted by watching TV too much does not care of problems of other members of family. For instance, He spends very less time on doing households for his wife or teaching his children how to resolve homework. So, will his family be happy while most of members cannot finish their tasks? It is high time for him to reduce television-watching time.

Another objection may be that watching diverse channel on TV can help people gain knowledge and news. After that, they have a discussion about what they have learned with others, promoting their communication. However, if they do not go out and get involved in some activities, how can they make friends to discuss with them? Take a couch potato as an example , again. Absolutely, he has no any close relationships, even he may be isolated from society. Poor social life will be able to make him depressed about life. Moreover, when his health is ruined, what does he gain knowledge for? According to the survey conducted by University of Washington via physical check-up of couch potatoes, more than two third of couch potatoes are related to obesity and other serious diseases. Doing daily exercise must be made to decrease the risk of being infecting these diseases.

The response:

Suggested changes are below in red. Although your first two points are right on the topic, at the end you drift off by talking about physical condition of couch potatoes. You could also talk about what kind of shows people choose to watch. Do they watch documentaries, political discussions or other informative shows? Or do they watch situation comedies and reality TV which do not provide information about the world?

As a result of technological development, television has a crucial role to play in the spiritual values in the daily lives of human beings, especially in terms of entertainment. However, there are two sides to everything. The limited time to commune with others is attributable to watching TV too much. Personally, I firmly believe communication has been damaged by TV.

One argument is that television was invented to serve the need for entertainment in order to render people relaxed after working hard all day, helping the atmosphere of their family become comfortable. Nonetheless, a couch potato who is addicted by watching TV too much does not care about the problems of other family members. For instance, he spends very little time doing household chores for his wife or teaching his children how to do their homework. So, will his family be happy while most of members cannot finish their tasks? It is high time for him to reduce television-watching time.

Another objection may be that watching diverse channels on TV can help people gain knowledge and learn about the news. After that, they could have a discussion about what they have learned with others, promoting their communication. However, if they do not go out and get involved in some activities, how can they make friends to discuss with them? Take a couch potato as an example, again. Probably he has no any close relationships, he may even be isolated from society. His poor social life may make him depressed about life. Moreover, when his health is ruined, what does he gain knowledge for? According to a survey conducted by the University of Washington on the physical condition of couch potatoes, more than two third of couch potatoes are suffering from obesity and other serious diseases. Doing daily exercise must be made to decrease the risk of being infecting these diseases.

HyperGraphix offers editing and proofreading services for essays  and other documents starting at $3.75 per page.

For a free one paragraph edit, click here.
For Free Grammar Help, click here.
Please visit our website to ask a question about any essay topic.
Visit our FaceBook page.
Please feel free to comment at www.HGPublishing.com/Comments.html

About Peter J. Francis

Peter J. Francis is owner and operator of HyperGraphix Publishing Services (HGPublishing.com). He has over 30 years of professional writing and editing experience. He holds a BA (Honors) degree in English (1987), a B. Ed. degree from SFU (2005) and a certificate in Special Education from SFU (2011). He teaches high school and offers editing services as time is available.